Two days after crossing the finish line of my second marathon in eight weeks I arrive in Guatemala where I promptly partake in a headstand workshop with Circusman Alex (don’t ask) and put my back out (god that makes me sound ancient). End of running for a few weeks…

Glad of an excuse to do something other than running I throw myself into lake swimming, yoga and meditation. I then go one step further and start to indulge in all things esoteric… colour therapy, neuro muscular trigger point therapy, reiki, chakra balancing, energy healing and… the Chocolate Shaman. Dont ask me why, it´s just amazing how much energy you have for this random stuff when you´re not training for a marathon or two.

More than one person had recommended the Chocolate Shaman to me and so one Sunday afternoon I found myself on his porch with around 30 others, drinking cacao (the natives use it in rituals) and listening to how we need to “do the work” to get in touch with our higher selves and begin the healing. Now I’ve gotta be honest I’m fairly open-minded but things got a little bit too out there even for me. To cut a very long story (5 hours, to be precise) short the healing process appeared to involve most people in the room crying / wailing while the chocolate shaman, some healers in training, and some healers who didn’t actually know they had powers until the shaman identified them… well, they helped everyone else start the healing.

I was uncomfortable for more than one reason as you may well imagine. Apart from anything else I had been sitting cross-legged on the ground for 4 hours and thanks to the Circusman by back was killing me. Frankly, I wanted to leave. Just as I´m planning my escape the Chocolate Shaman turns to the wannabe healer next to me and asks is that girl next to you your friend? Uh oh. He’s referring to me (and I´m not her friend by the way, in case you think she is about to save me). Because she´s got a stone in her heart. He states it without emotion (I´m pretty sure I know who has the stone here). Gotta be honest, I thought that was a tad harsh. Just cos I´m not joining in with the group crying and clearly don’t have any healing powers that doesn’t mean I have a stone in my heart. What does that even mean? He asks how it feels to go around with a stone in my heart and I tell him it feels normal, he nods sagely at this point. I feel the only way out is to cry so I indulge him and he seems satisfied that the stone has been removed but warns me I should be aware it´s only temporary.

In short, my career in all things alternative came to an abrupt end after my 5 hours on the Chocolate Shaman´s porch. I´ll take a 5 hour marathon any day over that. Stone in my heart or not!